


The very much super evil bake sale plot that totally didn't go wrong

by Nenchen



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Cute, Cute Kids, Holidays, M/M, snabies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nenchen/pseuds/Nenchen
Summary: Crowley wants to even the bake sale score between him and Aziraphale and simultaneously teach the children some things about demonic planning. It doesn't go like planned.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 39
Kudos: 138
Collections: Wiggleverse





	The very much super evil bake sale plot that totally didn't go wrong

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written in response to a prompt I begged for on discord, which was baking. The snabies just wiggled their way in. Enjoy!!

When Aziraphale came home to Crowley humming contentedly while cutting cookies and their children at the kitchen table, decorating, he knew something was up.

Just yesterday Crowley had complained to him about the schools bake sale. (Even though he had insisted that this one should be his, after the angel had baked five times already.)

„The theme is rare gifts angel! They want them to think of the most precious gifts like looooove and frieeeendship and all things happy and nice and put those into cookie form! Not even the pretentiousness of the whole thing balances this kind of good will.“, he‘d ranted.

„I am sure you will think of something, dear. You do better work if it needs complicated thinking anyways.“, Aziraphale said lovingly while petting the grumbling demon in his lap.

Who, in return, murmured something that sounded a lot like „thnksngel“ into his stomach.

Apparently, Crowley had indeed thought of something. Aziraphale smiled.

„Hello dear.“, he said, hugging Crowley from behind, and properly greeting him with a kiss on the cheek.

When he looked down at the baking tray, he was confused.

„Gorillas?“

„Cross River Gorillas.“

„And leopards? And are those axolotl?“

Looking towards their children, sat at the kitchen table, did nothing to help clear things up, seeing as they were decorating said animals and several more festively with icing and sugar stars. 

It all looked innocently enough. 

Too innocent for the way too innocent expression on his partners face.

„So, what did you decide on making, love? The love for animals?“, he asked, curiously. 

The corners of Crowley’s mouth quirked up into something that was almost a smile. 

„Nah, love for animals is everywhere. Plenty of love for them. Sometimes even more than for humans. No Angel. These.“

He gestured to the cookies with a flourish. 

„Are all endangered species. Think I hit the „rare“ prompt more than enough, didn’t I? We always made just as many as there are left in the wild. Isn’t it brilliant?“

Aziraphale blinked.

„It’s a very creative idea for sure my dear. But how will this, I quote, _further the inherent evil and wrath contained in a bake sale_?“

Crowley grinned maliciously and opened his mouth to explain but was interrupted by a small voice calling from the table. 

„Look fathers!!! We decorated these two like you!“, Anthony junior called out, holding up two cookies. 

Aziraphale honestly had no idea what they were supposed to look like, seeing as they both were buried underneath a mountain of icing. One black with red detailing, and one tan with a golden plaid pattern. There also were small faces painted on them, mouths smiling, but… 

„Why are our mouths on the sides of our faces, spawn? Pretty sure I don’t look like that.“

Aziraphale once again was reminded how Junior truly had the perfect name, because his expression in that moment was the same as Crowley’s gluing coins to the side walk. 

„So you can _kiss_ “, he answered, promptly smushing their cookie faces together. 

Crowley sputtered indignantly. The snabies giggled. And thus, baking and decorating had to be interrupted for a tickle war. 

Ten minutes later, his other half had given up and collapsed in a shakespearian manner, with a grand improvised monologue, only to be promptly buried under a pile of children, which he then had to try and disband as to get on with the tasks on hand. He made his best puppy eyes at Aziraphale. Sadly, seeing as he really only could pull of snake, that didn’t mean much.

However, in his unending angelic wisdom, Aziraphale had busied himself with making hot cocoa during the fight, that could now be used as a bribe. And as positive reinforcement. The cuddle piles were adorable after all. 

It was only after the last drop of cocoa was gone that everyone resumed to the previous status quo as if nothing ever happened. Well, except for Junior who continued wearing a chocolate moustache reminiscent of the one Crowley had worn in the 70s.

Aziraphale turned to the now again baking baker again, smiling.

„You know dear, after seeing all of those bond movies with you, I do have to say that taking a break to play with adorable children really ruins the dramatic effect of your villainous speeches.“, he said innocently. 

Crowley shot him a dirty look.

„Well Angel, I said it before and I’ll say it again, for full effect I would need a cat.“

“Only to then constantly complain about the hairs on your clothes dear?”

“Exactly. That or we get a hairless cat. Win/win for evil!”

Aziraphale had the divine insight that it would be better to change topic. In truth he didn’t trust a cat around his books. Especially not a hairless one if Crowley’s word about how cats were more menacing the less fluffy they got was true.

“What IS your evil plan with these cookies then anyways?”, he asked, innocently batting his lashes as the other knowingly narrowed his eyes at him. 

“Well Angel, it’s simple really. You know me, usually thinking big would require at least 10 days without sleep, 100 cups of coffee to get up to speed and one mindmap. Details and minute changes being deciding of success or failure!”

Aziraphale, indeed aware of this, nodded.

“But then I stopped to think. I have kids now.”

Again Aziraphale nodded, as he was aware of this too.

“I have to do things a bit simpler so they can learn! So I’ll just go with good old fashioned jealousy.”

He finished, shoving another batch in the oven with a flourish.

Aziraphale didn’t understand.

“I don’t understand dear?”

Crowley grinned, pleased at the chance to elaborate. He failed to notice how that also indicated his plan very much wasn’t as simple as he thought it was.

“As I said. Simple, angel. Imagine parents, during the holiday time. Stressed.”

The angel nodded. To tell the truth, he himself had noted that no holiday season before this one had ever been this stressful. But also, none had ever brought him this much joy either.

“Now, half of my job was already done. They put another thing onto those parents’ never ending to do lists. Baking – and even worse, thinking about a good fit for the theme. Something that won’t seem trivial, because how could you ever look into anyone’s eyes if that happened? Honestly, human peer pressure is a wonderful tool to utilize.”

He looked over to their children and a certain expression flitted over his features for a millisecond. If Aziraphale didn’t know him so well, he would have missed it. Protectiveness. His heart swelled.

“So, to be evil in this case is simply to be good. Well better anyways. Everyone on that bake sale will go home feeling completely inferior! Awful, really.”

Crowley finished, grinning maliciously at him. The demonic effect was only ruined by the dough smears on his face. And the adorable cheering from the kitchen table.

“Well, that does sound truly demonic, dear. I shall leave you lot to it then. I meant to get started on dinner in about three hours, will that be enough to finish, do you think?” 

Crowley blinked, probably surprised to not get a lecture.

“Should be fine. Or what do you say spawn?” he called towards the still furiously decorating children.

A chorus of “yes fathers” was the answer.

Aziraphale smiled, leaving with a kiss to everyone’s cheek, to get some light reading done before dinner.

As he opened “War and peace”, he finally let out the bastardly smile he’d had to suppress during Crowley’s explanation. He had a feeling that plan would not go off as planned, seeing who was organizing the bake sale…

* * *

He heard the children coming in, chattering excitedly. There was laughter. Grumbling. Snickering. Junior saying something in a very teasing tone.

Then the sound of the children scattering, probably in response to an empty threat.

Aziraphale smiled into his teacup, putting his book aside and raising the cup up at the sound of footsteps coming closer to the couch. A moment later, he had a lapful of grouchy demon.

“Whatever happened my dear?” he asked innocently, starting to pet Crowley’s head.

“ _Anathema_ happened. Didn’t know she was the one organizing this bake sale. She loved our animal rights idea. Made eeeeveryone come and look.”

Aziraphales smile widened.

“But I thought that was your plan? Be superior?”

A muffled groan.

“She instantly delivered a speech about how all ideas were amazing and a unique take and enriching the bake sale with that and yadda yadda. So that went down like a lead balloon.”

“That sounds truly atrocious, dear.”

Muffled affirmative noises. 

“But then why did I just hear Junior tease you about going all red and speechless, my most devious sweetheart?”

Muffled choking noises. A long pause. Then.

“Then they all started complimenting me. On everything. The oh so sensible idea. The work put in. The taste. The decorating. Everythiiiing.”

Aziraphale smiled and leaned down, kissing the top of his head.

“Well dear”, he murmured into Crowley’s ear.

“You deserve it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit my tumblr at [goodduckingomens](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goodduckingomens). Comments and Kudos very much motivate me, so please leave some if you had fun. Keysmash comments appreaciated for the true Crowleys out there.


End file.
